The Rollercoaster

Tom Hanks once said Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get... well I think that's more accurate than the rollercoaster analogy of waves of depression.

Maybe the sine wave up down up down of highs and lows is a typical day to day form of depression for some or most, to be honest I've no idea what the norm is but I've found it to be pretty much all over the place and I can't pin it down to anything, It just happens.

The only thing I can do is take control of my life and be thankful for what I have and the people around me especially my wife who is my rock my soul mate and my lover. She is the one person who wants me to be well when I'm struggling and bolsters me up when I've unwrapped a chocolate peanut butter out of those damn box of chocolates!!

Sometimes, like earlier today the wobble that I had came out of nowhere, but the cure for it came from not wanting to upset my wife and make her feel low or my eldest who isn't unaware her day is "not right" or having a bad moment.

Today is New Years Day and tomorrow is the start of 2018 and in those 365 days my goal is to try and kick this damn disease in to touch. I've had it most of my life and over those years I've had literally years of no depression at all so that tells me it can be done.

So day 1 starts tomorrow let's see what it brings...

It's not all about you

It's not all about you.....

I've had a some time to think about this. I am sat in a waiting room in a hospital while a good friend of ours is in the critical care unit and her husband and my wife are visiting this evening.

You think you have all the problems in the world and it's all crashing down around you and suddenly a short sharp shock in the form of somebody elses terribly sad news comes out of the blue and stops you in your tracks and suddenly you feel very silly, no not silly self centered and selfish. Harsh words but incredibly true.

This is going to be a journey for everyone I write about including myself..... especially myself.

I'm going to try and make sense of me, my illness and not just how if affects me and makes me see things very differently but how it affects my wife as she has had to not just support me but keep herself together, hide my episodes from the kids and go to work full time.

My aim is to get better and better I shall get. I know I've come along way from the dark times I've had and I also know how easy it is to fall back a few steps but that's life, nothing gets fixed over night.

But in time I'm going to fix Mr P