Today!!

Today!!

Today is the first day of me not panicking, not getting over anxious and not getting into a twisted state. Well at least trying not to.... Baby steps, that’s what it is baby steps.

Today is also the first day I listened to an album that I’d never heard before and I Listened to it from start to finish and learned to love a new album. The last 30 years or so I’ve just skipped tracks to music I like as it was just easy to do so. We live in such busy times that sitting down for 30 40 mins just seems unachievable which is absolute madness. We so need time out to recuperate and recharge and I’m making this happen despite everything else that goes on around us and so should you, not just for our physical health but also our mental state!

So TODAY!! start as you mean to go on and take a little time out of your busy day and do something you enjoy, do it again tomorrow, it will reward you back, maybe not today but in time you will feel better for it...

We're not all bad you know!!

People are people one of the many 80's tracks that I adored in the 80's, but now I'm older we actually listen to the lyrics and get the messages!!

Most people aren't bad, they just don't always get on with everyone. I don't think I know a single person who just gets on with everyone!!

There might be one or two that you just rub up the wrong way, which we all do from time to time and those people then think your bad.
It's a vicious circle.

I thought I looked for the worst in all people but maybe I'm not looking that way anymore, maybe I'm changing. Maybe I'm trying to look for the best in people but I'm only seeing the worst because I'm so used to seeing the worst.

The one thing I am certain about is that we should always try and look at things situations with an unbiased eye, try and see things from both sides. That's the one thing I can honestly say that I can do.

So maybe we should all look at people with that unbiased eye!?

People are People - Depeche Mode (Lyrics)

People are people so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully

So we're different colours
And we're different creeds
And different people have different needs
It's obvious you hate me 
Though I've done nothing wrong
I never even met you
So what could I have done

I can't understand
What makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand

People are people so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully

Help me understand

Now you're punching and you're kicking
And you're shouting at me
I'm relying on your common decency
So far it hasn't surfaced
But I'm sure it exists
It just takes a while to travel
From your head to your fist

I can't understand
What makes a man
Hate another man

Help me understand

Songwriters: Martin Gore

People Are People lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

The Rollercoaster

Tom Hanks once said Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get... well I think that's more accurate than the rollercoaster analogy of waves of depression.

Maybe the sine wave up down up down of highs and lows is a typical day to day form of depression for some or most, to be honest I've no idea what the norm is but I've found it to be pretty much all over the place and I can't pin it down to anything, It just happens.

The only thing I can do is take control of my life and be thankful for what I have and the people around me especially my wife who is my rock my soul mate and my lover. She is the one person who wants me to be well when I'm struggling and bolsters me up when I've unwrapped a chocolate peanut butter out of those damn box of chocolates!!

Sometimes, like earlier today the wobble that I had came out of nowhere, but the cure for it came from not wanting to upset my wife and make her feel low or my eldest who isn't unaware her day is "not right" or having a bad moment.

Today is New Years Day and tomorrow is the start of 2018 and in those 365 days my goal is to try and kick this damn disease in to touch. I've had it most of my life and over those years I've had literally years of no depression at all so that tells me it can be done.

So day 1 starts tomorrow let's see what it brings...

It's not all about you

It's not all about you.....

I've had a some time to think about this. I am sat in a waiting room in a hospital while a good friend of ours is in the critical care unit and her husband and my wife are visiting this evening.

You think you have all the problems in the world and it's all crashing down around you and suddenly a short sharp shock in the form of somebody elses terribly sad news comes out of the blue and stops you in your tracks and suddenly you feel very silly, no not silly self centered and selfish. Harsh words but incredibly true.

This is going to be a journey for everyone I write about including myself..... especially myself.

I'm going to try and make sense of me, my illness and not just how if affects me and makes me see things very differently but how it affects my wife as she has had to not just support me but keep herself together, hide my episodes from the kids and go to work full time.

My aim is to get better and better I shall get. I know I've come along way from the dark times I've had and I also know how easy it is to fall back a few steps but that's life, nothing gets fixed over night.

But in time I'm going to fix Mr P